At eleven o'clock p.m. while I'm watching Sex and the City the movie. Fantastic movie by the way, but anyway! Today. I was driving back from the YMCA, coming off of the freeway waiting at the light to turn onto the Bothell-Everett Highway. There's always homeless men on the corner there, with their signs, and I always ALWAYS avoid their eyes. I just feel horrible. But today. I was sitting there, and as always, there was a homeless man there. I looked over, and he had a dog. A DOG. I can't resist dogs. I look at them, curled up against a pole, and I shed a tear. It kills me. I think, "I will never. EVER. Let that happen to Teetu." So. I meet eyes with this man, and he looks like an extremely good person. Oh, by the way, his sign said "Start new job on Friday, came from New Mexico. Won't get paid for 3 weeks, need a little help." So it wasn't the usual. He's got a job. He just needed a little push. So, your's truly gives this man all she had in her wallet: 2 dollars. Man that sounds pathetic. I JUST GOT GAS. I mean...I just filled my gas tank in my car up...I have horrible wording today. So. I gave him 2 dollars, and his eyes said it all. You know that look people give you when they're extremely thankful to you? I got that look from my grandpa when he thanked me for taking care of my grandma. It makes me so happy...but tear up at the same time.
The satisfaction I got after that is indescribable. I was so proud of myself--he was the first homeless, or jobless, man I'd ever paid myself--so I went to tell my dad when I got home. Our conversation went like this.
Mel: Daddy! I just paid a homeless man!
Dad: For what?
Mel: ...because he needed a little help. He had a dog, and he just got a new job but won't get paid for 3 weeks.
Dad: Oh, is that what his little sign said?
Mel: ...yeah?
Dad: Well as long as you have money for gas left.
Mel: I gave him 2 dollars. I filled up my gas tank with the whole 20 dollars you gave me before I went to the Y.
Dad: Well okay.
Jackass. So. I tell my mom! And she is so proud of me. She says I'm going to heaven. And, let me tell you, I really believe I am. Not just because I paid a homeless man. But because it wasn't just for him. It helped me in a way too.
So. I'm just saying, it feels fan-freaking-tastic to be a good person. And I can't wait to see what I get out of my karma points I just earned today :) Anyways, I'm contorted in an extremely odd position typing this, so I'm gonna stop!!
Nighty night, blogger.
/readers.
Mel
May 30, 2010
May 29, 2010
Number 48: Possible a vent post? Not sure.
Haha, so people. Let me explain the basics of being a human being. Or rather--a good human being. Because yes, you can be a bad one!
OH MY GOSH WHAT THE HELL!?! I can't change the color of my text on here! Wait...hang on...oh...I was in "Edit Html" instead of "Compose." THAT'S why the font was all weird! Don't worry guys--mini freak out. The Lovely Miss Melanie is cool now. Phew!
So where were we? RIGHT!
Oh, I love purple :) Okay. So first of all, the obvious one. The one we've been learning since elementary school. Treat others the way you want to be treated. A funky way of saying karma will eat your face if you're a dick to someone. Like...I know on this blog I can be a little..."rawr." (God my bangs are being whores right now. Sorry, A.D.D. moment.) But in person, in real life, if someone is nice to me, I am automatically nice to them. I NEVER treat someone bad unless they've treated me bad with no apology. I mean come on. If you don't follow this rule, you're an ass. Plain. And. Simple.
Also something everyone should've learned in elementary school: Thank people. For their time, money, criticism, EVERYTHING. Because they're helping you. EVEN when they're criticizing you. For an example, not about criticism but just of thanking someone for even a small thing, I thank bus drivers every time I get on AND OFF their bus. I know it's their job to do it, but they honestly could've easily stayed home and watched TV all day. I mean, come on. Easy karma points. Thank someone, you get a gold star. Simple as that. I can't even begin to imagine how many times I must say "Thank you" in a day. Holy cow. Haha.
Listen to people. LISTEN. There's actually a group on Facebook that's called "I didn't hear what you just said, but I'll laugh and hope it wasn't a question." Or something like that :P Of course--I joined it. Because who hasn't been in this situation?! Anyways. Although I've been in this little pridicament...I've realized listening to someone can be both beneficial to you AND that person. Obviously people say things that can be pointless. But if you show you're listening, that can boost their confidence to the MAX. I mean I say pointless shit all the time and it kills me when people look at me weird. Haha, it happens a lot, sadly. But it's not that hard to listen.
Try not to dwell on the past. I know it's hard--I still catch myself doing it a billion times, I'll admit. But it puts you in a really bad mood...which puts others in a bad mood. I know I've been dwelling on my parents' divorce for 3 years. It KILLS me at times. I just lock myself in my room and wait till I fall asleep, 'cause I know when I wake up I'll be starving and I'll just eat my feelings. Hahaha, so sad! But true...and really. Emotions are contagious. I know from experience. It's like a domino effect. When one person's mood drops, another's does, and then another, blah blah blah. Dwelling on the past is extremely bad for your mood! SO BAD. Look into the future. Imagine what's in store for you. Imagine what you could DO with your life, rather than what you should've done. HOLY CRAP that's deep.
Be proud of your flaws. This is so cheesy. But it'll help your confidence times a billion!!! Let me list a ton of what I think my flaws are, and why I actually kind of like them. My shortness. Con: being used as an arm rest at times. Pro: I can ask guys to get something from a high shelf! :D Let's see, what else...OH!!!!!!!!! My scar. My hideous, obnoxious scar. Con: I wasn't able to wear a bikini for an extremely long time because of how I felt about it...I felt like everyone was staring at my back, and it's all that I could think about. Pro: It defines me. I know I talk to my mom about getting it fixed and shit. And she always says "It's a part of you. It's who you are." And I get it. I finally get it. It took going to prom in a backless dress for me to finally, fully get it. So step out of your comfort zone, and embrace what your mama and papa gave ya!
BE. REAL. BE REAL BE REAL BE FREAKING REAL. Don't go around being someone you think you should be. Be someone you KNOW you should be. Or if you don't know who that is, dig deep. You'll find that person. Nobody wants to hang around a poser. I know this from TONS of experience. (And I know people are gonna be like, "Melanie. You're 18 years old. Stop saying you have so much experience." But you don't even know. I've been around so many posers--this year especially!) Fake people bother me. And people who bother me end up on this blog. Is that what you want?! Because if you do really want to be THAT MUCH of the center of attention, then hell, pose! Pose like you've never posed before!! GO YOU! :D (That wasn't supposed to sound sarcastic, it was supposed to sound like I was cheering for them...I guess it failed...oh, and if you haven't guessed, the bright green in the middle of each thought is my code for me having an A.D.D. moment.)
This is turning out to be such a pretty post!!! So basically the moral of this extremely deep post is if you're at least doing one of these things...you're amazing. I know it's hard to even do one of them, but so many people I know do all of them! And that, in my opinion at least, makes them fantastic people. They're kind, they thank EVERYBODY, they listen intently, they look forward to the future rather than regret their past, they don't even MENTION their flaws, and they're completely real and honest with people. Can it really be that difficult? Let's all try it...at least once.
*CUE INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC*
Duh-duh-duh-duhhhhh. Duhduhduh-duh-duhhhh...
Wait that's the song from the NFL Football games. Or maybe it's the Mariners...
Either way, I think it's pretty damn inspirational. YOU SHOULD TOO. Haha, anyways guys. This was just a "Let me tell you what's up" type of blog....
But...
Now I'm done telling you what's up.
So. Keep it classy!
Mel
OH MY GOSH WHAT THE HELL!?! I can't change the color of my text on here! Wait...hang on...oh...I was in "Edit Html" instead of "Compose." THAT'S why the font was all weird! Don't worry guys--mini freak out. The Lovely Miss Melanie is cool now. Phew!
So where were we? RIGHT!
Oh, I love purple :) Okay. So first of all, the obvious one. The one we've been learning since elementary school. Treat others the way you want to be treated. A funky way of saying karma will eat your face if you're a dick to someone. Like...I know on this blog I can be a little..."rawr." (God my bangs are being whores right now. Sorry, A.D.D. moment.) But in person, in real life, if someone is nice to me, I am automatically nice to them. I NEVER treat someone bad unless they've treated me bad with no apology. I mean come on. If you don't follow this rule, you're an ass. Plain. And. Simple.
Also something everyone should've learned in elementary school: Thank people. For their time, money, criticism, EVERYTHING. Because they're helping you. EVEN when they're criticizing you. For an example, not about criticism but just of thanking someone for even a small thing, I thank bus drivers every time I get on AND OFF their bus. I know it's their job to do it, but they honestly could've easily stayed home and watched TV all day. I mean, come on. Easy karma points. Thank someone, you get a gold star. Simple as that. I can't even begin to imagine how many times I must say "Thank you" in a day. Holy cow. Haha.
Listen to people. LISTEN. There's actually a group on Facebook that's called "I didn't hear what you just said, but I'll laugh and hope it wasn't a question." Or something like that :P Of course--I joined it. Because who hasn't been in this situation?! Anyways. Although I've been in this little pridicament...I've realized listening to someone can be both beneficial to you AND that person. Obviously people say things that can be pointless. But if you show you're listening, that can boost their confidence to the MAX. I mean I say pointless shit all the time and it kills me when people look at me weird. Haha, it happens a lot, sadly. But it's not that hard to listen.
Try not to dwell on the past. I know it's hard--I still catch myself doing it a billion times, I'll admit. But it puts you in a really bad mood...which puts others in a bad mood. I know I've been dwelling on my parents' divorce for 3 years. It KILLS me at times. I just lock myself in my room and wait till I fall asleep, 'cause I know when I wake up I'll be starving and I'll just eat my feelings. Hahaha, so sad! But true...and really. Emotions are contagious. I know from experience. It's like a domino effect. When one person's mood drops, another's does, and then another, blah blah blah. Dwelling on the past is extremely bad for your mood! SO BAD. Look into the future. Imagine what's in store for you. Imagine what you could DO with your life, rather than what you should've done. HOLY CRAP that's deep.
Be proud of your flaws. This is so cheesy. But it'll help your confidence times a billion!!! Let me list a ton of what I think my flaws are, and why I actually kind of like them. My shortness. Con: being used as an arm rest at times. Pro: I can ask guys to get something from a high shelf! :D Let's see, what else...OH!!!!!!!!! My scar. My hideous, obnoxious scar. Con: I wasn't able to wear a bikini for an extremely long time because of how I felt about it...I felt like everyone was staring at my back, and it's all that I could think about. Pro: It defines me. I know I talk to my mom about getting it fixed and shit. And she always says "It's a part of you. It's who you are." And I get it. I finally get it. It took going to prom in a backless dress for me to finally, fully get it. So step out of your comfort zone, and embrace what your mama and papa gave ya!
BE. REAL. BE REAL BE REAL BE FREAKING REAL. Don't go around being someone you think you should be. Be someone you KNOW you should be. Or if you don't know who that is, dig deep. You'll find that person. Nobody wants to hang around a poser. I know this from TONS of experience. (And I know people are gonna be like, "Melanie. You're 18 years old. Stop saying you have so much experience." But you don't even know. I've been around so many posers--this year especially!) Fake people bother me. And people who bother me end up on this blog. Is that what you want?! Because if you do really want to be THAT MUCH of the center of attention, then hell, pose! Pose like you've never posed before!! GO YOU! :D (That wasn't supposed to sound sarcastic, it was supposed to sound like I was cheering for them...I guess it failed...oh, and if you haven't guessed, the bright green in the middle of each thought is my code for me having an A.D.D. moment.)
This is turning out to be such a pretty post!!! So basically the moral of this extremely deep post is if you're at least doing one of these things...you're amazing. I know it's hard to even do one of them, but so many people I know do all of them! And that, in my opinion at least, makes them fantastic people. They're kind, they thank EVERYBODY, they listen intently, they look forward to the future rather than regret their past, they don't even MENTION their flaws, and they're completely real and honest with people. Can it really be that difficult? Let's all try it...at least once.
*CUE INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC*
Duh-duh-duh-duhhhhh. Duhduhduh-duh-duhhhh...
Wait that's the song from the NFL Football games. Or maybe it's the Mariners...
Either way, I think it's pretty damn inspirational. YOU SHOULD TOO. Haha, anyways guys. This was just a "Let me tell you what's up" type of blog....
But...
Now I'm done telling you what's up.
So. Keep it classy!
Mel
May 26, 2010
Dedication
So I've had this extreme infatuation with the band Jimmy Eat World lately. Namely their songs called Sweetness, The Middle, and Hear You Me. The lead singer Jim Adkins has an ex-freaking-straordinary voice. The song Hear You Me reminds me so much of what I'd say to my grandma right now.
There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
'thought I might get one more chance
What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
So what would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
(May angels lead you in)
May angels lead you in
(May angels lead you in)
May angels lead you in
And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God wouldn't let it live
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
Gahhhh I love it. And grandma, I love you. Each time I hear this--I know you don't want me to, but I do anyway--I start to tear up. Just because I miss you more than anyone could understand, and grandpa Christensen, you too. I made aebleskivers yesterday and thought about you.
Love you two :)
And readers, you too! I'm at my 47th post :D
Peace, yo.
There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
'thought I might get one more chance
What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
So what would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
(May angels lead you in)
May angels lead you in
(May angels lead you in)
May angels lead you in
And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God wouldn't let it live
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
Gahhhh I love it. And grandma, I love you. Each time I hear this--I know you don't want me to, but I do anyway--I start to tear up. Just because I miss you more than anyone could understand, and grandpa Christensen, you too. I made aebleskivers yesterday and thought about you.
Love you two :)
And readers, you too! I'm at my 47th post :D
Peace, yo.
May 16, 2010
My Future...
Graduation is nearing, reality is setting in, and I've been thinking a lot about my future and what I want out of my life. So I thought I'd have it all on here! So, here goes.
1. Finish high school
2. Have the most kick-ass summer of my high school life
3. Go to school to become a respiratory therapist--what I've wanted to do for the past few years (And get my own apartment near school so I could live with Teetu)
4. Graduate from the program after taking the Certification and Registered RT exams
5. Get a job at Children's Hospital in Seattle
6. Work my way up to work in the Infant Intensive Care Unit
7. Find a guy who respects me for me, thinks I'm beautiful--not hot, who I could laugh with, who would care for me and be sure to never take me for granted.
8. Find a house and get married to said man.
9. After a couple years I'll want two kids--a boy and a girl, sadly I already have names in mind.
That's all I care to think about for now, I don't wanna think about growing old and all that junk yet! Just the fun stuff :)
And for those of you who don't know, I want to become a respiratory therapist because I've been through so much crap with my asthma it should be in the Guinness Book of World Records. Come to think of it, not a bad idea. But anyway, I thought I should put all of it to...good(?) use, and help infants who've had similar problems as I have, help relate to them, and try to give them the best possible hospital visit as I can--because God knows hospitals SUCK. And Children's Hospital in Seattle has pretty much been my second home, and it's absolutely the most amazing atmosphere, despite the many sick children--they always seem to have smiles on their faces no matter their sickness.
I cannot WAIT to start on my list...I just can't!!!
Love you,
M
1. Finish high school
2. Have the most kick-ass summer of my high school life
3. Go to school to become a respiratory therapist--what I've wanted to do for the past few years (And get my own apartment near school so I could live with Teetu)
4. Graduate from the program after taking the Certification and Registered RT exams
5. Get a job at Children's Hospital in Seattle
6. Work my way up to work in the Infant Intensive Care Unit
7. Find a guy who respects me for me, thinks I'm beautiful--not hot, who I could laugh with, who would care for me and be sure to never take me for granted.
8. Find a house and get married to said man.
9. After a couple years I'll want two kids--a boy and a girl, sadly I already have names in mind.
That's all I care to think about for now, I don't wanna think about growing old and all that junk yet! Just the fun stuff :)
And for those of you who don't know, I want to become a respiratory therapist because I've been through so much crap with my asthma it should be in the Guinness Book of World Records. Come to think of it, not a bad idea. But anyway, I thought I should put all of it to...good(?) use, and help infants who've had similar problems as I have, help relate to them, and try to give them the best possible hospital visit as I can--because God knows hospitals SUCK. And Children's Hospital in Seattle has pretty much been my second home, and it's absolutely the most amazing atmosphere, despite the many sick children--they always seem to have smiles on their faces no matter their sickness.
I cannot WAIT to start on my list...I just can't!!!
Love you,
M
May 15, 2010
Mommy
I'm sorry you thought I hate you and that you make my life misery. It makes me sad that you'd actually think that in the first place. My blog is just this moment of GR-ness that I have to get out, and that's where my last one came from. I love you moses, and I love you.
<3 smelly
<3 smelly
May 8, 2010
Today started out fantastic. Actually...
(Let me start out by saying, Nhat, that I introduced you to the word "bomb sauce." I remember because it was on skype, and you were like "bomb sauce??" and I was like "yeah! it's my word." I saw what you were talking to Raegan about, congrats on UW Bothell though)
The fantastic-ness started yesterday when Alicia came over, and we tie dyed and made jello shots. She spent the night, then in the morning I "took the dog out" and brought in her first scavenger hunt clue (Derek asked her to prom today. :) I helped.) We went to Third Place Books, then the Seattle Aquarium, then Seattle Center House, then finally ended up at Gasworks Park.
Where I got my first ticket--parking, but nonetheless a ticket--but anyways.
Got home, had dinner at my dad's, packed my things, and left to my mom's. Five minutes after I get into the door, and after my mom gives us souvenirs from Florida, she decides she's starving, and said Jose (new fiancee) was taking her out to dinner.
She'd been in Florida since like Tuesday or something. Hadn't seen us kids since then. And she fucking ditches us. For him. Again.
And so I text her like three times asking her once where tape is, once why she got my 19 year old brother a book on how to mix alcoholic drinks, and once I said "Helloooo. This is your daughter" and she never replied. Shows where her priorities are. THEN. She got home and asked why I was mad at her. I shrugged my shoulders, then she got pissed at me. For being mad at her. Because mature people do that. Right about now, yes, at eleven p.m., I would just adore a damn run.
Dear mother, thank you for ruining my day.
To be honest, I have zero words to explain my feelings right now. I'm in the worst mood.
So...yeah?
M
The fantastic-ness started yesterday when Alicia came over, and we tie dyed and made jello shots. She spent the night, then in the morning I "took the dog out" and brought in her first scavenger hunt clue (Derek asked her to prom today. :) I helped.) We went to Third Place Books, then the Seattle Aquarium, then Seattle Center House, then finally ended up at Gasworks Park.
Where I got my first ticket--parking, but nonetheless a ticket--but anyways.
Got home, had dinner at my dad's, packed my things, and left to my mom's. Five minutes after I get into the door, and after my mom gives us souvenirs from Florida, she decides she's starving, and said Jose (new fiancee) was taking her out to dinner.
She'd been in Florida since like Tuesday or something. Hadn't seen us kids since then. And she fucking ditches us. For him. Again.
And so I text her like three times asking her once where tape is, once why she got my 19 year old brother a book on how to mix alcoholic drinks, and once I said "Helloooo. This is your daughter" and she never replied. Shows where her priorities are. THEN. She got home and asked why I was mad at her. I shrugged my shoulders, then she got pissed at me. For being mad at her. Because mature people do that. Right about now, yes, at eleven p.m., I would just adore a damn run.
Dear mother, thank you for ruining my day.
To be honest, I have zero words to explain my feelings right now. I'm in the worst mood.
So...yeah?
M
May 6, 2010
I'M. DONE.
I'm done caring about what other people think of me.
I'm done caring about my parents moving on from each other. No matter how fucking soon it is. I'm done.
I'm done being upset when my dad ditches me and my little brother while watching a movie to talk to his slut of a girlfriend. Half an hour before the movie ends. But no worries, I'm done. Remember? I'm done.
I'm done believing in my parents. I'm on my own, now. Although I'm 18 and this is supposed to be inevitable, before today I believed that they still had the right, and willingness, to take care of me. Funny that isn't currently happening.
I'm done dressing for cold weather. It's may. I'm wearing a dress tomorrow, damn it.
I'm done thinking that boys will be like in the movies--the one to come up to a girl, not the other way around. Life's not a movie, Melanie. Life is definitely not a movie.
I'm done trying to figure OUT life. What the HELL is life. What is it? Will someone please be kind enough to just tell me? I'm completely oblivious, I guess. Well, besides the fact that it is TOTALLY fucked up.
I'm done eavesdropping on my dad's phone calls. I'm just setting myself up for things I don't want to hear.
I'm done expecting me to be my dad's number one girl anymore. Obviously skank-whore girlfriend matters more to him than his time with me. Little does he realize his time is running out and I can't be his little girl anymore. I can't. He also doesn't remember all of the time I've spent in the hospital, the many times I've almost died, LITERALLY. Died. Those times aren't over yet. He doesn't realize how bad my asthma's been lately. Mainly because I haven't told him because I don't want to distract him from his precious girlfriend. As stupid as that is, I still don't want to tell him. Just no.
As many of these things that I'm done with, I am not, however, done with believing in karma. Karma is what I've been relying on the past few months. So far it hasn't given anything back to me, but nevertheless I will rely on it. If you want to tell me differently, that there is no such thing as karma, f-you. Okay? I'm done listening to people talk shit about me, and karma will come back to bite them on the ass. JUST saying.
So. I'm done.
Thank you.
Bye.
M
I'm done caring about my parents moving on from each other. No matter how fucking soon it is. I'm done.
I'm done being upset when my dad ditches me and my little brother while watching a movie to talk to his slut of a girlfriend. Half an hour before the movie ends. But no worries, I'm done. Remember? I'm done.
I'm done believing in my parents. I'm on my own, now. Although I'm 18 and this is supposed to be inevitable, before today I believed that they still had the right, and willingness, to take care of me. Funny that isn't currently happening.
I'm done dressing for cold weather. It's may. I'm wearing a dress tomorrow, damn it.
I'm done thinking that boys will be like in the movies--the one to come up to a girl, not the other way around. Life's not a movie, Melanie. Life is definitely not a movie.
I'm done trying to figure OUT life. What the HELL is life. What is it? Will someone please be kind enough to just tell me? I'm completely oblivious, I guess. Well, besides the fact that it is TOTALLY fucked up.
I'm done eavesdropping on my dad's phone calls. I'm just setting myself up for things I don't want to hear.
I'm done expecting me to be my dad's number one girl anymore. Obviously skank-whore girlfriend matters more to him than his time with me. Little does he realize his time is running out and I can't be his little girl anymore. I can't. He also doesn't remember all of the time I've spent in the hospital, the many times I've almost died, LITERALLY. Died. Those times aren't over yet. He doesn't realize how bad my asthma's been lately. Mainly because I haven't told him because I don't want to distract him from his precious girlfriend. As stupid as that is, I still don't want to tell him. Just no.
As many of these things that I'm done with, I am not, however, done with believing in karma. Karma is what I've been relying on the past few months. So far it hasn't given anything back to me, but nevertheless I will rely on it. If you want to tell me differently, that there is no such thing as karma, f-you. Okay? I'm done listening to people talk shit about me, and karma will come back to bite them on the ass. JUST saying.
So. I'm done.
Thank you.
Bye.
M
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